Rambling Update

I find that I like to write blog posts very late at night. Normally I am prudent enough to ignore that impulse, but today, I cannot resist. It's been a long time since I've written anything, and the words are bottled up in my chest.

I can hardly believe that it's already the middle of February. In two months I will have a new niece, only one semester left of school, and a lot of school debt on my hands (or over my head, as it feels). I'm starting to get scared about the future. I know that's pretty normal, but usually I like to pretend that I have it all together. Right now, however, I'm alternating between absolute confidence and abject terror. In one year's time, I will find out if I have been accepted into any graduate school programs. I don't know where God will put me if I don't get in. I feel his leading to pursue my MFA, and I will stand in that place until he moves me or changes the plan, but I don't know how on earth I'm going to be able to afford such a path.

At the same time, my second sister may already be married by then, which is disconcerting. I feel sometimes as if everyone around me is being picked off one by one until I am left the only single maid in all of America. I know, however, that this is a falsehood, because my closest friends at school are all single, too, which is a great comfort. Tomorrow, we are all going out for desert, and I am looking forward to it very much. Although with the amount of sleep that I am likely to get before then, I may need to take a nap tomorrow afternoon after my studio critique.

The piece to be critiqued is a sculptural bust that I am quite pleased with. I am beginning a body of exploration into the human experience (as differentiated from the human problem), relating to the tensions between culture, time, physicality, and consciousness. This semester has been extremely helpful so far for articulating to myself both my reasons for artmaking and the underlying ideas I would like to pursue. I fear I shall have to sign off in order to sleep, but at least I've written a post for the first time in ages, and that's not nothing.

P.S. I don't intend to abandon this blog any more than normal, but I've started a video blog as well. If you care to watch my verbal (instead of written) ramblings, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/user/kudospraze?feature=guide